My girlfriend, Millie, has been going through a very tough time as of lately and as a consequence so has our relationship. In September of 2010 her brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal cancer that subsequently spread through his body. After his long and fearless battle, he passed away in December of 2010. Shortly thereafter, her mother was also diagnosed with Stage 3B Lung Cancer and is currently going through chemotherapy and radiation. Living 800 miles away from them, it's been very hard to rely on daily phone calls and such to keep track of everything that is going on and to be able to help as we would want to. Needless to say, this is scaring Millie half to death and it is painful to watch helplessly as the ones you love, fight for their lives.
Being helpless in a medical crisis isn't easy for me to deal with, I am a nurse. This is what I do. I help to fix people, I help them feel better. But truly it's a whole other story as you stand there with your heart in your throat and watch helplessly as someone you love struggles to hold his own body weight. Being supportive in a time of crisis isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, all you want to do is make it all go away, make it disappear and you can't. You don't want to watch your partner's heart break into irreparable pieces. You don't have the right words, the right actions, or even a clue as to what to do when your in this situation. It's a very lost feeling.
Millie is now trying to find comfort in God and in religion. She's trying to have faith when all seems lost. We are from South Louisiana and with that you should know that EVERYONE is Catholic in South Louisiana. So of course, we were both raised Roman Catholic. But being homosexual and being catholic isn't exactly peas and carrots. We have been discussing different religions, different beliefs, sharing our thoughts with each other. I'm not sure if she's finding comfort in these conversations, but it is helping me to see that she is more open minded than I previously thought. For myself, I have become spiritual and reject most religions as cults. I refuse to follow anything that preaches hate for any reason. I have a mind and I can think for myself, God gave me that and I am thankful. I am not afraid of dying or the after life, I have no reason for fear. I have a great relationship with God and we talk nightly. I take my communion from nature and the beautiful things God has created for me to enjoy and reveal in, instead of a church. Millie, however, is a more structured individual in nature than I. She needs and thrives on routine and praise. So finding a religion or spiritual pathway will be a journey for both of us ... and one I look forward to.
My boyfriend is Atheist and I am...well I don't know right now. Guess I will have to get back to you on that one. I was raised Catholic,like you. And Mum was a very devote Catholic,church every x-mas,sing in the choir and I was even an altar server. Matt was raised knowing about god,but no religion in particular.His grandma is Jehovah witness,and she pretty much scared all her kids away from religion. Tho,I do send all my condolences your way,I do understand how it feels(to an extent) when depression enters a relationship. Matt has been out a job for 6 months now,and it is wearing thin on our relationship. He talked about us separating,but truthfully it wouldn't be any different to where we are now. With his depression he has been very distant. I know it hasn't been a good year for him,ie his Aunt died,he learned he couldn't trust his brother and we had an all war with a high school friend of mine. (Well he isn't my friend,right now) I know I can be very selfish,but I wonder to what consequence will this come to our relationship. I love him so much. I have never felt this way about someone before. I know I have struck a nerve with him in the past few months,b/c I have decided I don't want kids. I am serious about that. But onto another subject you touched,death. I am terrified of it. To the point of having panic attacks. And I actually do have religion to blame that for. <3 Ya'll will get through this,ya'll are way too cute of a couple.
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